


Torture

by Edwardina



Category: Firefly
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-01
Updated: 2006-03-01
Packaged: 2017-11-14 07:22:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/512765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Edwardina/pseuds/Edwardina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, Wash is pretty sure the doc has a hopeless crush on him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Torture

**Author's Note:**

> Set between "War Stories" and "The Message." Thank you to Nutkin for looking it over for me!

It was mostly after they stormed Niska's skyplex that Wash started wondering about the doc.

Well, no - he did his fair share of wondering when they first picked the kid up, 'cause they had a moment at the dinner table. At least, Wash classified the speculating looks the doc was giving him a moment. Maybe even two moments. When he and Zoe laid down for some cuddletime that first night the doctor and his sister were on board, the first thing they discussed (after the precursory, "So! A girl in a box!" and "But how was your day, honey?" sort of stuff) was Simon.

It went something like:

"How 'bout that doc?"

"Slyer'n a fox in a pair of chaps."

"And twice as cute!"

But... no, no. Niska's.

After re-attaching Mal's ear, Simon had insisted Wash come to the infirmary to have his wounds cleaned and disinfected -- because you never know just where torture equipment has been! -- and something, just _something_ , about the way the doc said, "Take your shirt off, please," got the gears in Wash's head turning.

"Okay... but just know that if my nipples get hard, it's because I'm so turned on," Wash told the doc as he peeled off his sweat-soaked singlet, his relief-born high spirits not quite smothering his exhaustion.

Simon, who was snapping a latex glove onto his hand, only smiled at him and said, "I'll keep that in mind for when I ask you to take your pants off."

Wow. _Wow._

That night in his bunk, after he laid down next to his love goddess with his cuts cleaned and bandaged and his reflexes all tested, he broke the news.

"The doc has a serious crush on me."

"Really," said Zoe; she wasn't paying much attention, as she was unbinding her hair.

"Mm-hmm!" replied Wash, arranging the covers around his chest and smiling up at the ceiling. "Washed my wounds for _ages_. Really gently."

"Good," Zoe said. "I don't want to know where else that torture equipment has been."

"Got my reflexes tested, too," said Wash. "They're very good. All in order, that's what he said."

"Suppose you and the captain weren't electrocuted long enough to cause lasting damage to your motor functions," said Zoe. She fluffed her pillow tiredly. "You were lucky. We were all lucky."

"Yeah," he agreed, turning onto his side as Zoe laid down next to him. He was unable to keep the grin off. "That's what Simon said, as he looked longingly into my eyes..."

"...What?"

"Yeah, he cuddled my face!" said Wash. "Held it real still. Couldn't have escaped if I'd wanted to. He looked in my eyes for - it must have been a whole minute. Maybe two. Hate to admit it, sweetie, but it was really romantic."

Zoe's brow furrowed and her face assumed the position. The "marital non-bliss" position.

"Doc was shinin' a light in your eyes when he did this, right?"

"The shining light of his love..." sighed Wash.

There was a pause.

"Dear," said Zoe, "did he maybe give you some drugs?"

"That's totally irrelevant, here," said Wash.

And it was. Shiny from painkillers or no, there was no denying that Simon had a thing for him. He wondered about it for the next couple of weeks.

Wash had always figured that there was some sort of electrifying unresolved sexual tension between Mal and Simon - at least, if Mal bossing Simon around and Simon stuttering a lot in response counted as sexual tension. And, ew, he was pretty sure that for a week or so, there, Simon was crushing on Jayne, what with Jayne springing him and River from the Fed station at St. Lucy's and all the gushing that ensued. And it was just plain obvious that the preacher and Simon were playing some chaste form of house, looking after River together like they did.

It was sad, though - tragic. It brought tears, the fact that Wash was a happily married man and that Simon's affections could never be returned. (Except in the event of Zoe deciding to act on that threesome fantasy she harbored, and then in the event of Mal being off the ship somewhere, preferably dead.) He felt bad for the guy. It was obvious Simon had no real interest in Kaylee, or womenfolk in general for that matter, or he would have tapped that.

And here Wash was, so tappable, and yet so _untappable_ at the same time.

"It doesn't seem fair," he told his wife. "A kid like Simon with an unrequited love. It's so star-cross'd, him and me."

Zoe was wearing that non-bliss look again.

"Talk like that makes me think you should see a doctor, only I'm fairly sure you'd kiss ours."

"Only a pity-kiss," Wash assured her.

Well, he decided as Zoe glared at him and strode away, he was left with little choice. He had to tell Simon that they could never be, lest his wife start pining from the jealousy.

Luckily, he found himself in the infirmary two days later with a bullet-graze to the head and Simon's capable, gentle fingers wiping the blood away with loving dabs.

"... even a millimeter. You're very lucky," Simon was saying to him in his soft, comforting tones. "If you take proper care of the wound and are careful not to agitate it, you won't even have a scar."

He turned Wash's head by placing a finger on his chin. Wash's heart was beating a little fast; he caught Simon's eye, and Simon smiled warmly.

"Hey, doc..." Wash began.

"Hold on, let me find a self-adhesive bandage," said Simon quickly.

Wash held on.

It was awful, watching the doctor go about his business in the infirmary, clueless as to the fact that he was about to get his heart broken.

"Doc," he repeated, shifting on the medchair in discomfort. "About self-adhesive bandages. It's better to rip one off quick, right, instead of peeling it off real slow? You know. Get it over with fast?"

"Generally speaking, I suppose," replied Simon slowly. He peeled the backing off the wings of a bright white bandage, then pushed Wash's chin up a little with his index finger. The way the doc focused on Wash's face - it gave him shivers. "Although," he added as he carefully placed the bandage on Wash's forehead, "it depends on the wound, of course, and whether it's healed or not. Bandages can sometimes stick, so in those cases, a slow approach would be better..."

"Right," said Wash. "Right. Well..."

"There you are," said Simon happily, stepping back and giving Wash's forehead an admiring look.

Wash squared his shoulders.

"Simon," he said seriously. "You're a great doctor." Simon opened his mouth to reply, but Wash held up a hand quickly and pressed on. "But this... this whole thing. It just can't work. Move on, okay? It's the best thing for everyone. That's final," he added, as Simon tried to speak again.

All in all, it was over fairly quick and Wash felt he left the silent infirmary with his dignity in tact, returning to his place in the cockpit before letting out a sigh of regret.

It could have worked... in some other universe...

Zoe must have had a run-in with the doc in which she expressed her total and utter possession of Wash, though, because just before dinnertime, she came into the cockpit with a smirk threatening at the corners of her lips.

"Honey," she said. "Just spoke with the doc --"

"Oh, right," lamented Wash. "Guess you heard, huh?"

"He wants you in the infirmary," she said. "Seems he's worried that the torture did something to your brain after all."

Wash's eyebrows perked.

"Remember? The torture?" asked his wife flatly, crossing her arms.

"See. Told you he has a crush on me," said Wash. "It's sad. He's delusional... I already ended it with him, and it's like I made him want me even more or something..."

"Wow," said Zoe. " _Wow._ "

"Yeah," agreed Wash. "Wow."


End file.
